Election Manifesto of a Tiger for Loksabha’09
Background: Worried about the declining population pushed to the edge of extinction, the Tigers’ Council got together to find a desperate solution. Formed from the remaining 1400 living tigers, the Council decided that they needed representation in Parliament. The Jim Corbett wildlife sanctuary had been reserved for minorities in Parliament, so the Tiger community declared candidacy for the 2009 Lok Sabha election.
At the Tiger Council’s closed-door meeting at Bandhavgarh National Park, grievances were aired. “They are taking their crazy behavior to the extreme, one visibly irate member shared. “Recently, they airlifted my wife while she was out collecting food for the kids and dropped her into another country[1]. First, they happily kill us,” he continued. “Then, when they realize our value in the food chain, they started conceiving these stupid ideas.”
The very idea of a Tiger candidacy had received a mixed response from the community. Moderates were for peaceful coexistence, while extremists, represented by the young blood, called it slavish reasoning. They wanted to fight the human population to reclaim their “equal right to survival”. Extremists were angry that the seniors were giving in to the play set up by humans. Their reasoning was that no matter how it played out, the tigers would be the losers.
At the Tiger Council, the debate continued. “Just one tiger let loose in a city or village will result in deserted human streets. Still, they selfishly visit our habitats in cacophonous caravans,” the participant stated.[2] “I once actually believed that they were the most advanced species.”
“I came quite close to accepting them as our natural caretaker,” she continued. “But they are killing us for sport, using our fur as trophies for showing off, hanging our heads as prized possession in their drawing rooms, and eating our testicles for virility and sexual power. And they declare themselves our guardians?”
Though the younger generation had opposed participating “in the system,” the Seniors knew better. Their numbers dwindled each year, and their habitat was repeatedly divided into the quarantined and unlivable packets called “wildlife sanctuaries.” Humans had cut them down to size.
It was a well-known fact that the Government’s own Project Tiger was hiding its failure through fictional numbers[3]. The sheer tiger-to-human ratio of 1400-to-120 Crore (100 Crore = 1 Billion) was testimony to the humans’ growing influence over the matters of the earth.
The Tigers’ council’s president, the most senior and wise leader, added, “I recall the conversation one of our great ancestors had with our creator. The Creator said, ‘You all are my children, I created you all equal to live in peace and harmony with each other. But, never let this make you slack, because I have also given you sharp teeth and vigor to protect you from your very own.’”
It was a now or never situation. Having representation would at least offer the public a clear picture, instead of the proxies of selfish humans and their lies.
The marathon meeting lasted for 48 hours. For his intellect, diplomatic and negotiation skills, Billu Tiger from Ranthambore was unanimously chosen as the candidate.
Here is his seven point manifesto, as it was published in India’s leading dailies:
Living beings, not just human beings: The definition of equal rights should be amended to apply to every ‘living’ being, rather than just ‘human’ beings. We are all Indians.
UTOC: Unified Tigers[4] and Only Country: The UTOC will be comprised of all the regions currently termed as reserve forests and wildlife sanctuaries. It will also include the exclusive corridors joining them. Buffer zones will separate human lands from UTOC[5]. Humans working on the human side of the territory will have to wear radio collars to help us keep track of their activities.
Cooperation with Humans: Pragmatism is not lost on us Tigers. One such area of tiger-human cooperation is tourism. We propose to set up a joint wildlife tourism company in the buffer zones between proposed UTOC and human lands. The revenues will be exclusively for independent Tiger conservation project managed by us with one human on board.
Employee tigers will allow themselves to be spotted by the tourist vehicles at conveniently selected sites throughout the buffer zone. Our research has shown that most of our tourists like to witness one or all of the following activities:
- Tiger sightings
- Seeing Tiger couples make love
- Witnessing tigers kill.
- Idling and playing with kids
- Scaring the tourists a little
International Tribunal for crimes against Tigers: Our blood boils each time we see the Tiger Memorial Museum and its photographs of humans standing next to one of our dead ancestors. All guilty including erstwhile Maharajas, colonists and their conniving stooges brought to justice for their crimes.
Photo courtesy: Tiger Memorial Museum, Rajaji National Park, UTOC
We hope that the success of Tigers’ tribunal will set a precedence for setting up of similar tribunals for crimes against other ‘almost extinct’ species.
Corruption: Money allocated for ‘conservation efforts’ continue to increase while our numbers continue to decline. Like many such national schemes – Public Distribution Scheme, Ganga Action Plan,it has become a golden goose to support corrupt people. We suggest investing the allocated money in the proposed Joint Wildlife Tourism Company.
Improving Bilateral Relations: We will work towards improving the conditions of our missions — “zoos” in human terminology.
Research for ways to increase our population: We are told that Chinese are so many because they consume a special virility booster made from tiger testicles. I will allocate research money to find out the opposite can be done to raise Tiger numbers.
Billu won from the Jim Corbett Parliamentary constituency unopposed. BSP (Bahujan Samaj Party) tried to field a candidate on the grounds that their election symbol is elephant. However, elephants came out in full support of Billu tiger preempting any such efforts to fracture animal solidarity.
[1] http://www.indianexpress.com/news/now-tigress-from-ranthambore-airlifted-to-sariska/331534/
[2] http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/13/business/global/13iht-green13.html (A study conducted by researchers at Univresity of California , Berkeley, looked at the presence of mammalian carnivores in 28 parks and preserves in northern California, suggested that comparatively low-impact activities – quiet, non-consumptive recreation” — defined as things like hiking, biking and horseback riding- still led to a steep decline in the density of native carnivores.)
[3] http://www.indianexpress.com/news/so-many-ways-to-count-a-cat/274366/0
[4] It has no connection what so ever with LTTE. We are real tigers.
[5] Save Tiger: Govt to erase tourism footprint. http://www.indianexpress.com/news/save-tiger-govt-to-erase-tourism-footprint/469868/
