Bespoke Cashmere

Today there is a phone call from Tehran. The gentleman on the phone is developing gas fields in Turkmenistan. The tremendous lack of infrastructure there mean there are huge capital investments needed to even get started getting the gas out of the ground. the main cost, or the main difficulty as the gentleman in Tehran sees it – is getting the gas to market. The small port in the Caspian Sea does not have the ability. So to begin with, the gentleman in Tehran is going to purchase a fleet of trucks. He wants to buy/borrow three thousand trucks by his estimate. This is a considerable amount of money, and so he is digging deep in to his savings and he is willing to sell or leverage as a guarantee on the trucks four hundred metric tones of titanium.

It has been a rough couple of years for titanium. The price per metric tonne has droped from 45,000 to around 18,000 – so he does not really want to sell it, though that would clearly be easier. He wants to borrow against it. Are there banks that will do this? Well maybe a few in Russia, but this is sort of a new idea. “In Russia they will give me even less money!”

About Turmenistan: ruled over by the supreme leader, Turkmenbashi – the father of all Turkmens. There is a 20 foot high solid gold statue in the middle of the city that rotates as the sun rises and sets, so his bueatiful face is always adorned by the sun. he renamed the month of January after himself. Renamed bread and the month of April after his mother.

In the case of Mr Rothschild, the documents reveal for the first time that he made personal gains by using slaves as collateral in banking dealings with a slave owner. This will surprise those familiar with his role in organising the loan that funded the UK government’s bail-out of British slave owners when colonial slavery was abolished in the 1830s. It was the biggest bail-out of an industry as a percentage of annual government expenditure – dwarfing last year’s rescue of the banking sector. The chief archivist of the Rothschild family papers, Melanie Aspey, reacted with disbelief when first told of the contents of the records, saying she had never seen such links before. Niall Ferguson, Laurence A.Tisch professor of history at Harvard and author ofThe World’s Banker: A History of the House of Rothschild, said the documents showed “how pervasive slavery was in the structure of British wealth in 1830”. In Mr Freshfield’s case, the records reveal that he and his sons had several slave-owner clients, mostly based in the Caribbean. The lawyers acted as trustees of the owners’ estates and in one case tried to claim unpaid legal fees for the firm through the government scheme set up to compensate owners after abolition. Nick Draper, a University College London academic who examined the documents, which will now form the basis of a comprehensive British slavery database at UCL, said the records would hopefully promote a better understanding of of the significance of slavery in Britain. “We need to fill the gaps between those who deny slavery’s role and those who believe Britain was built entirely on the blood of slaves,” he said.

WE MISS NYC

One of them likes to call himself an “emancipator of women”. The other likes women to call him “papi”. So when two of the world’s most flamboyant and eccentric politicians – the Libyan leader, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, and Italy’s prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi – met yesterday in Rome, women figured large.

The Libyan leader was accompanied by his all-female, 40-strong bodyguard squad, its members dressed in khaki uniforms and red berets. And the schedule for his controversial first visit to Italy included, at his own request, a meeting tomorrow with large numbers of Italian women. Very large numbers.

The plan was for “only” 700. But officials said yesterday that such was the colonel’s drawing power the event had had to be moved to a concert hall with a capacity for 1,000.

Berlusconi has had more than a little trouble lately with embarrassing photos. So it must have been with a sinking feeling that he watched the Libyan leader descend the aircraft steps with another one pinned to his chest.

The photograph Gaddafi wore to several of the ceremonies on the opening day of his visit did not show young women in underwear by Berlusconi’s poolside, let alone a former Czech prime minister in the altogether. But it was discomforting for his hosts all the same: it showed the Libyan resistance leader, Omar Mukhtar, the “Lion of the Desert”, on the day before he was hanged by Italian colonialists in 1931.

Gaddafi flew in with a 300-strong retinue, on three Airbuses. As ever, he brought with him a giant Bedouin tent, which was erected in a Rome park.

Security for his visit was tight. But that is partly because, while Gaddafi may have bones to pick with Italy, some Italians have bones to pick with him.

Officially yesterday it was all smiles as the colonel praised Italy for having “turned a page on the past”. Relations have improved since Berlusconi’s government agreed last year to pay $5bn (about £3bn) reparations for Italy’s colonial rule. Italy, Gaddafi said, had “apologised, and that is what allowed me to be able to come here today”. But not everyone is happy about the visit. Gaddafi is set to encounter protests over a deal that allows Italian patrols to return would-be migrants, including asylum seekers, to Libyan ports. Yesterday he dismissed claims that the deal prevented asylum seekers from applying for protection, in a way that visibly disconcerted his host, normally a champion of political incorrectness.

“This is one of the lies that is put about,” the colonel declared at a joint press conference after his talks with Berlusconi. “The Africans do not have problems of political asylum. People who live in the bush, and often in the desert, don’t have political problems. They don’t have oppositions or majorities or elections.”

The Libyan leader, who is also chairman of the African Union, went on: These are things that only people who live in cities know. [Other Africans] don’t even have an identity. And I don’t mean a political identify; they don’t even have a personal identity. They come out of the bush and they say: ‘In the north, there’s money, there’s wealth’ – and so they go to Libya, and from there to Europe.”

According to the UN, an unusually high proportion of the migrants who cross from Libya are asylum seekers fleeing wars and disorder. But Gaddafi was having none of it. “Please, don’t take seriously this business about political asylum. The idea they are all asylum seekers makes you laugh sometimes.”

First we said good-bye to Polaroid, now it’s Kodachrome. What’s a film sentimentalist to do? After 74 years of making the color film used by many of photography’s greats, Kodak announced Monday that it’s ending Kodachrome’s production. (Credit: Kodak) Kodachrome makes up less than 1 percent of Kodak’s total sales for still film, according to the company. Digital cameras are obviously the main culprit contributing to Kodachrome’s demise, but photographers are also using newer kinds of color film that are easier to process. Only one photofinishing lab in the world still processes Kodachrome–Dwayne’s Photo in Parsons, Kan. Photographers like Kodachrome for its warm colors and fine grain, which are perfect for shooting portraits. The famous portrait of the Afghan refugee girl with the bright green eyes that graced the cover of National Geographic in 1985 was taken with Kodachrome film by Steve McCurry. But even McCurry has moved onto digital and other still film. Even though Kodachrome is largely known as still film, it has also been made for movie formats, including 16mm. In the past three years, Kodak has come out with several new professional still films and motion picture films. Kodak is donating its last rolls of Kodachrome to the George Eastman House International Museum of Photography and Film in Rochester, N.Y. One of these last rolls will be shot by McCurry, with the photos donated to the museum. Dwayne’s Photo said it will continue to process any leftover Kodachrome until 2010.

Election Manifesto of a Tiger for Loksabha’09
Background: Worried about the declining population pushed to the edge of extinction, the Tigers’ Council got together to find a desperate solution. Formed from the remaining 1400 living tigers, the Council decided that they needed representation in Parliament.  The Jim Corbett wildlife sanctuary had been reserved for minorities in Parliament, so the Tiger community declared candidacy for the 2009 Lok Sabha election.

At the Tiger Council’s closed-door meeting at  Bandhavgarh National Park, grievances were aired. “They are taking their crazy behavior to the extreme, one visibly irate member shared.  “Recently, they airlifted my wife while she was out collecting food for the kids and dropped her into another country[1].   First, they happily kill us,” he continued.  “Then, when they realize our value in the food chain, they started conceiving these stupid ideas.”

The very idea of a Tiger candidacy had received a mixed response from the community. Moderates were for peaceful coexistence, while extremists, represented by the young blood, called it slavish reasoning. They wanted to fight the human population to reclaim their “equal right to survival”.  Extremists were angry that the seniors were giving in to the play set up by humans. Their reasoning was that no matter how it played out, the tigers would be the losers.

At the Tiger Council, the debate continued. “Just one tiger let loose in a city or village will result in deserted human streets.   Still, they selfishly visit our habitats in cacophonous caravans,” the participant stated.[2] “I once actually believed that they were the most advanced species.”

“I came quite close to accepting them as our natural caretaker,” she continued.  “But they are killing us for sport, using our fur as trophies for showing off,  hanging our heads as prized possession in their drawing rooms, and eating our testicles for virility and sexual power.  And they declare themselves our guardians?”

Though the younger generation had opposed participating “in the system,” the Seniors knew better.  Their numbers dwindled each year, and their habitat was repeatedly divided into the quarantined and unlivable packets called “wildlife sanctuaries.”  Humans had cut them down to size.

It was a well-known fact that the Government’s own Project Tiger was hiding its failure through fictional numbers[3].  The sheer tiger-to-human ratio of 1400-to-120 Crore (100 Crore = 1 Billion) was testimony to the humans’ growing influence over the matters of the earth.

The Tigers’ council’s president, the most senior and wise leader, added, “I recall the conversation one of our great ancestors had with our creator.  The Creator said, ‘You all are my children, I created you all equal to live in peace and harmony with each other.  But, never let this make you slack, because I have also given you sharp teeth and vigor to protect you from your very own.’”

It was a now or never situation. Having representation would at least offer the public a clear picture, instead of the proxies of selfish humans and their lies.

The marathon meeting lasted for 48 hours.  For his intellect, diplomatic and negotiation skills, Billu Tiger from Ranthambore was unanimously chosen as the candidate. 

Here is his seven point manifesto, as it was  published in India’s leading dailies:

Living beings, not just human beings:  The definition of equal rights should be amended to apply to every ‘living’ being, rather than just ‘human’ beings.  We are all Indians.

UTOC:  Unified Tigers[4] and Only Country:   The UTOC will be comprised of all the regions currently termed as reserve forests and wildlife sanctuaries. It will also include the exclusive corridors joining them. Buffer zones will separate human lands from UTOC[5].  Humans working on the human side of the territory will have to wear radio collars to help us keep track of their activities.

Cooperation with Humans:    Pragmatism is not lost on us Tigers. One such area of tiger-human cooperation is tourism.  We propose to set up a joint wildlife tourism company in the buffer zones between proposed UTOC and human lands. The revenues will be exclusively for independent Tiger conservation project managed by us with one human on board.

Employee tigers will allow themselves to be spotted by the tourist vehicles at conveniently selected sites throughout the buffer zone.  Our research has shown that most of our tourists like to witness one or all of the following activities:

• Tiger sightings
• Seeing Tiger couples make love
• Witnessing tigers kill.
• Idling and playing with kids
• Scaring the tourists a little

International Tribunal for crimes against Tigers:  Our blood boils each time we see the Tiger Memorial Museum and its photographs of humans standing next to one of our dead ancestors.  All guilty including erstwhile Maharajas, colonists and their conniving stooges brought to justice for their crimes.  

                                                                             Photo courtesy: Tiger Memorial Museum, Rajaji National Park, UTOC

We hope that the success of Tigers’ tribunal will set a precedence for setting up of similar tribunals for crimes against other ‘almost extinct’ species.

Corruption:  Money allocated for ‘conservation efforts’ continue to increase while our numbers continue to decline. Like many such national schemes – Public Distribution Scheme, Ganga Action Plan,it has become a golden goose to support corrupt people. We suggest investing the allocated money in the proposed Joint Wildlife Tourism Company.

Improving Bilateral Relations:  We will work towards improving the conditions of our missions — “zoos” in human terminology. 

Research for ways to increase our population:  We are told that Chinese are so many because they consume a special virility booster made from tiger testicles.  I will allocate research money to find out the opposite can be done to raise Tiger numbers.

Billu won from the Jim Corbett Parliamentary constituency unopposed. BSP (Bahujan Samaj Party) tried to field a candidate on the grounds that their election symbol is elephant. However, elephants came out in full support of Billu tiger preempting any such efforts to fracture animal solidarity.
 

[2] http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/13/business/global/13iht-green13.html   (A study conducted by researchers at Univresity of California , Berkeley, looked at the presence of mammalian carnivores in 28 parks and preserves in northern California, suggested that comparatively low-impact activities – quiet, non-consumptive recreation” — defined as things like hiking, biking and horseback riding- still led to a steep decline in the density of native carnivores.)

[3] http://www.indianexpress.com/news/so-many-ways-to-count-a-cat/274366/0

[4] It has no connection what so ever with LTTE. We are real tigers.

[5] Save Tiger: Govt to erase tourism footprint. http://www.indianexpress.com/news/save-tiger-govt-to-erase-tourism-footprint/469868/

I’m The Osiris Of This Shit